The Number One Secret To Managing Your Anxiety
Don’t you hate it when blogs make you read the entire post before telling you that number one secret? Well, I won’t keep you hanging…
YOU ARE NOT YOUR ANXIETY.
Inside that brain of yours is a constant dialogue that just keeps jumping from one idea, thought or emotion to another. It’s exhausting. I get it. I have that same “monkey mind” too. And, if you are anything like me, you probably feel like your anxiety makes up your identity. Or at least that’s what I used to think. But what if I told you that your anxious mind does not define you and that you can learn how to separate from your anxious thoughts in order to feel grounded and balanced? Pretty crazy, right? Here’s how to discover your witness, free yourself from your overthinking mind, and gain the space you need to be more responsive to life rather than reactive.
The Monkey Mind
If you were able to hear the thoughts inside my head, they might sound something like:
“I have to get this report done today and it’s already almost lunch. What am I going to eat for lunch? I left my lunch at home and there are no healthy options here at work. Great, and I’m trying to lose weight. Unless I eat a healthier dinner to balance it all out. Why aren’t there better lunch options around here? I could drive further to get a salad. But is salad really healthy? I should find out how many calories are in my favorite salad. I wonder if restaurants hate that they have to put calorie counts on their menus now. Is that a law in most states? I really love ranch dressing and croutons. I could also eat a burger. I wonder if Bill is going out today and would want to join me for lunch somewhere? Do I have time for that? Probably not since I have to get this report done.”
Sound familiar? I imagine you have something similar going on inside your head right now. Most people have this “monkey mind” that jumps from one thought or emotion to another. But if we step back and notice our mind’s chatter, it will create a little space for us to respond to the situation instead of reacting. So how do we step back?
Self-Observation - The Witness
Now, if you are still asking yourself, “What is Michele talking about? I don’t have that voice inside my head”, then that’s the voice I’m talking about.
If your internal dialogue is swirling around anxious thoughts, and you are noticing it talking: the anxiety is not you. You are the one that hears the anxious voice. You are the one that notices it talking.
Self observation, also known as the witness, is your awareness of your own thoughts, feelings and emotions. The part of you doing the observing is your true self. When you stop to observe your anxiety, you realize that the part of you doing the observing is not the same part that is anxious. When we practice self-observation we are becoming more aware of the “thinker” behind the thought. So there is no way you can BE your anxiety if you can step back and notice you have anxious thoughts.
Respond Vs. Reacting
Stressful situations happen to us all the time and we develop a lot of coping techniques to deal - some of which are automatic. Our reactions to stress are learned from past experiences. They were designed to cover up our vulnerabilities and eventually, they become habitual responses. Meaning, they just happen without us even knowing what caused us to react.
Take me for example - aggressive driving makes me really angry. When I see it happen, my heart races, my face gets read and my habitual response is to throw my hands around and yell out some very choice words. This immediate reaction seems to come out of nowhere and be completely out of my own control.
Now, you may not have the same reaction to aggressive drivers like I do, but maybe this still feels familiar.
When I can observe the thoughts I have in a stressful situation, I can pause, remember that these thoughts are not me and choose how to react instead of having the situation choose for me. When you start paying attention to your mind, you become more aware of the stimuli that causes you stress and the habitual response you have. Self awareness opens space between the stressor and response, which gives you a little more time to react. Instead of the situation choosing for you, you get to choose for yourself.
So, the big secret to managing your anxiety is to remember that you are not your anxiety. Instead, remember you are the observer of your anxious thoughts, and when you notice your mind racing, you can pause, take a breath, and choose how you want to react. You’ll feel a sense of calm and groundedness as you make the best decision for yourself in that moment.