Are You Tired of Doubting Yourself and Letting Your Inner Critic Hold You Back?

Let me introduce you to your inner critic. 
Or as I like to call mine, “The Judge”. 

This inner voice is your negativity bias - it is holding you back from living your best life and it is ruthless.  It probably sounds something like, “I’m not good enough, pretty enough, successful enough, smart enough, or talented enough.”  (And the list goes on, and on.)  I spent most of my life believing this voice and feeling pretty anxious and lousy about myself most of the time.  Can you relate?  What if I told you that you can learn to recognize the inner critic and change your relationship with it?  Can you imagine the possibilities for your life without this nagging voice? Here’s how to free yourself from paralyzing negative self-talk in order to feel a deeper sense of self-love and achieve goals you never thought possible. 

The Inner Critic

So why does this inner critic exist?  You’d think as intelligent human beings we wouldn’t create stories in our own minds, on purpose, to feel bad about ourselves.  What good could that do?  But, we all do it.  

Think of the inner critic as the quality of consciousness that’s constantly scanning for danger. It’s basically designed to keep us alive, and we teach it how to be on the lookout for what could go wrong pretty quickly.  Ever touch a hot stove?  Pretty painful, right?  The critic reminds us not to touch that hot stove again once you’ve done it once.  

We also learn what is dangerous or painful from our culture and our parents. We take in this information through behaviors and thoughts.  Here’s an example - imagine little Johnny comes home from school and is so excited to tell his dad that he got a B on his social studies exam.  He runs up to share the good news and hears from his father, “why didn’t you get an A?”  Johnny immediately feels disappointment and shame for letting down his father - a painful experience.  So, to make sure that never happens again, Johnny’s inner critic learns that only A’s are acceptable and to try harder next time.    

This scanning for danger is 100% unconscious and we are so full of impressions that we start to believe this is the way things really work - this is what life is.

• “If I am successful, people won’t love me anymore.”

• “If I mess up, people will realize that there’s something wrong with me.”

• “I guess I don’t really matter because no one is paying attention to me.”

• “I have to be different to get attention or love.”

There is also a part who criticizes you for not being compassionate, happy, or evolved enough, and it says things like, “What haven’t I gotten over this by now, what’s wrong with me?” or “I should be more positive!” 

We all struggle with the inner critic and most of the time we don’t even recognize that we are looking through this lens of fear, anxiety and self-preservation.  But, the more we pay attention to our thoughts, the more we can see how invasive this perspective on life really is!  

Recognizing The Inner Critic

Let me ask you:  Would you go out to dinner with someone who treats you like your inner critic treats you?  Or, would you talk to a friend the way this voice talks to you?  Would you ask this type of friend for advice while trying to accomplish your biggest goals? Probably not.   

The first step to finding freedom from these berating thoughts is to notice when the inner critic creeps into your mind.  As soon as you can name it, you can separate your true self from the thought, which removes its power a little bit. Recognizing the judging mind is half the battle. 

The critic likes to think in absolutes.  Be on the lookout for words like, “should, always, and never” and pay attention to when blame shows up because that’s how the critic likes to operate.  Listen for self-deprecating statements such as, “I’m stupid.  I’m dumb. I’m worthless. I don’t have talent.  I’m not a good employee.  I’m a bad mom.”  These are all signs that the critic is around and taking control.       

Ways to Change Your Relationship With Your Inner Critic

I know you want to silence the inner critic and move on with your life. Remember the inner critic’s role is to protect you from danger. It may start off with whispers but if you ignore it, the voice will get louder and louder until it is shouting at you.  

The goal is not to silence our inner critic but to change how we interact with it.  

Here are three ways to separate ourselves from our inner critic: 

1. Practice self-observation without judgement. 
   Remember that these are just thoughts and you are not your thoughts.  You are the thinker behind the thoughts.  When you recognize the inner critic, pause and notice what is going on right now without judging, blaming or shaming.  Bring your awareness to your breath and notice the thoughts entering and exiting your mind.  In this space you can choose how to react instead of having the inner critic choose for you. 

2. Give your inner critic a personality. 
   Creating a persona or actually naming it can be very freeing.  You might picture it like a stern school teacher or you might name it.  I told you I call mine “The Judge”.  When I hear, “I’m stupid” I flip it and say, “My judge is saying I’m stupid.”  Or, when The Judge is really loud, I say “Hi Judge!” Or, “Chill out, Judge.”  The more we recognize the judging voice, the less attention it will get and the more we can avoid overreacting to it. 

3. Remembering that the inner critic was created to keep you safe. 
   Once you can separate yourself from your critic, show it some compassion.  Simply saying, “thank you” and, “you’re not needed right now” can quiet the voices as well.  

So there you have it! My steps on how to recognize your inner critic and change your relationship to it in order to feel a deeper sense of self-love and live your best life! You now have the tools you need to quiet that judgey mind and get started on achieving your biggest dreams.