Take That Anxiety! How to Be More Confident When You Are Feeling Anxious
It seems like everywhere I go, someone is talking about how stressed or anxious they are right now. Our to-do lists are long with competing priorities and there never seems to be enough time in the day to get it all done. There are deadlines at work that keep us up at night and general worry about the health and wellbeing of our loved ones. Never mind the chaotic world we live in is experiencing wars, inflation, political turmoil, mass shootings and other terrible, traumatic events that are impossible to wrap our heads around.
To me, sometimes I feel completely powerless over the stress and anxiety in my life. I don’t think I can manage it and even if I could, I sometimes don’t have a clue where to start.
Can you relate?
Thankfully, I have learned that the first place to start is with self-observation without judgment. When you are aware that you are having anxious thoughts, you take the power of that anxiety away. That creates a space for you to take a step back from the situation and choose to react in a way that helps you feel better. And even if you feel just a small amount of relief, you’ll begin to realize you can better manage your anxiety and learn what techniques work best for you! So today I’m sharing how to develop this self-awareness without judgment so you can build the confidence and resourcefulness you need to better manage your anxiety.
The Basics of Anxiety
Anxiety is a normal emotion. When life feels stressful and overwhelming, your brain kicks in to alert you of a potential threat. We all experience anxiety from time to time. Whether it’s a project at work, a stressful decision, or taking a test, anxiety gets us pumped up so that we can face that difficult task and get to the other side of it.
Anxiety is a normal and healthy response to some of life’s stresses … until it isn’t. How and when anxiety becomes excessive and overwhelming really depends on a variety of factors. You could have experienced trauma in your life, have a family history of mental health conditions, be worried about health concerns, have ongoing stressful life events, or a slew of other factors that create your anxiety triggers.
How it shows up for you also varies based on the individual. You might experience:
Elevated heart rate
Breathing rapidly or hyperventilation
Dizziness
Nausea
Racing or unclear thoughts
Trouble concentrating
Feeling weak or tired
Trembling
Clammy palms
Sweating
One person may want to cry while another might experience the inability to cry. And, not only does the physical reaction differ from person to person, you might experience different symptoms based on the situation that triggered your anxiety.
All of this to say that anxiety is completely subjective, which is why there is no “one size fits all” solution.
The Role of Self-Observation Without Judgment
Which is why it’s so important to develop self-observation without judgment.
Self-awareness is the ability to be aware of your own thoughts, feelings and emotions. When you stop to observe your anxiety, you realize that the part of you observing is not the same part that is anxious. The part of you doing the observing is your true self.
Once you are aware of your anxiety, the key is to notice it without judgment. Have you ever felt anxious because you were feeling anxious? You might start to feel shame that you aren’t able to cope or blame yourself for not managing the situation better. Or think that your “trauma” isn’t nearly as bad as someone else’s, so you shouldn’t be anxious.
You might say to yourself:
“What is wrong with me - why am I getting so worked up?”
“Why can’t I just cope when everyone else can cope?”
“I logically know I’m safe here, so why is my body freaking out?”
“Why don’t I have my stuff together? I should be fine. Why am I not fine?”
You start to feel anxious about being anxious about being anxious! That’s your inner critic. It’s the quality of consciousness that’s constantly scanning for danger to keep you alive. We all struggle with it! But, its invasive and negative behavior isn’t at all helpful when you are dealing with challenges in your life. The key, then, is to notice your anxious thoughts without judging, blaming or shaming yourself for having them.
How To Bring Self-Observation Without Judgment to An Anxious Moment
So how can we be self-aware without judgment when we are feeling anxious? Here are three things to remember:
Try not to minimize your own pain and experiences or compare yourself to others. You don’t always have to have experienced an obvious form of trauma, like war or abuse, to be triggered. Your anxiety could be caused by things that seem really subtle but add up over time. Remember that your own experience is real and true for you.
What you are thinking now will not be how you think later. According to Stephen Porges, an American psychiatrist and neuroscientist, our physiological state influences our beliefs and perceptions about the world, ourselves and other people. When we go into stress mode, the way we perceive ourselves, the world and other people, shifts. So, when you feel anxious, you’re going to have certain thoughts about the world, yourself and the people around you that isn’t always the way you think. It’s just how you are thinking right now. So there’s no reason to judge, blame or shame yourself into thinking otherwise.
Make space for the experience of anxiety and appreciate how your specific response served you well in the past. When you are triggered, and your body and mind start to feel chaotic, remind yourself that it’s ok there is a heightened energy right now. And that this energy pattern was once created to deal with challenges in your life. It was used to protect you! But now it no longer serves you. The reaction you are having is completely valid, but it no longer fits in the current context. I heard Aisha Fakhro, a UK-licensed psychotherapist and yoga teacher, say during a podcast interview, “Think of it like putting on a winter coat in the winter. During those cold days, it saved your life. You are not bad for putting on the coat! But now it’s summer and you want to learn how to take the coat off but keep it around in case you need to put it back on later.”
Having this awareness enhances your sense of self and your ability to cope. As you become aware of your anxiety, it actually decreases your perception of the threat, which allows you to choose how you want to manage it. And, as you deal with each challenge that arises, feeling even just 0.2% better than you did before, you learn that you are capable of better managing your anxiety, which makes you more resilient to life’s challenges!