What the Heck Is Mindfulness, Anyway?
The word “mindfulness” gets tossed around a lot these days. I think a lot of us that use it on a regular basis assume that the definition is pretty straightforward.
But is it?
I’m not entirely sure that the word itself explains its true meaning. And, I think a lot of people who struggle with anxiety don’t practice mindfulness because they aren’t exactly sure how to do it, how it will benefit them, or how much time it will take to feel a difference. So today I thought I’d break down the meaning of mindfulness so that you can start practicing these techniques (without spending a lot of time!) in order to feel relief from your anxious mind right away.
What is Mindfulness?
According to Google and Oxford Languages, the definition of mindfulness is:
A mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.
According to Headspace.com, mindfulness is:
Mindfulness is the quality of being present and fully engaged with whatever we’re doing at the moment — free from distraction or judgment, and aware of our thoughts and feelings without getting caught up in them.
Mindfulness is a basic human quality that already exists in all of us. You don’t have to create it because you were born with this ability - you just need to learn how to access it. And the best part is that it’s 100% free and doesn’t require medication to achieve it. But just because it is innate doesn’t mean that it’s easy to access, especially when your mind is in overdrive and you feel super anxious.
So let’s break down the definition a bit more in order to help us learn how to access it.
Awareness of Our Thoughts and Feelings
Inside that brain of yours is a constant dialogue that just keeps jumping from one idea, thought or emotion to another. It’s exhausting. I get it. I have that same “monkey mind” too.
But part of this innate quality that we all have is that we can become aware of our own thoughts, feelings and emotions. The part of you doing the observing is your true self. When you stop to observe your thoughts, you realize that the part of you doing the observing is not the same part that is anxious. When we practice being aware of our feelings and thoughts, we are becoming more aware of the “thinker” behind the thought.
Let’s look at an example and say that I’ve decided to go for a walk outside. During this walk, I have this thought:
“Did I say the right thing in my conversation yesterday?”
Most of the time, my brain will kick in and try to answer that question. I’ll think of all the ways my comment could have been interpreted and even assume what the other person thought and the actions they are now taking because what I said probably wasn’t right.
But the moment I catch myself caught in this thought, that’s the moment I can say, “Oh, I’m just thinking. These thoughts are not me. I am the one that can observe my thoughts.”
And, when you can do that, you create a little bit of space to return your awareness to the present moment.
The “Present Moment” Or “Whatever you’re doing at the moment”
Have you ever been at your desk at work, staring at a picture of your family, concerned that you’re missing something at home? Or, have you ever been home with the family thinking about how you really need to find time to exercise? Or, have you ever been exercising and thinking about that big presentation you have to do for work?
This is what it means to NOT be in the present moment.
You’re physically somewhere, but your mind is bouncing around between thoughts of the past or the future. When you think about the past, you tend to spend time mulling over what happened – what could have been, what you wished had happened, what could have been done differently. When you fantasize about the future, you’re anticipating what’s to come – what will be, what could be, the dreaded what if and what may happen.
But what you need to remember is that the past can’t be changed and the future hasn’t actually happened yet. And the more time you spend thinking about the past or worrying about the future, the more you are missing the present.
The present moment is all we have - where life is happening - right here and right now.
The present moment lives between the past and the future and it is the only thing that exists. When you focus your awareness on the “here and now”, your racing thoughts about the past or future no longer have power, which will relax your body and mind, allowing you to feel more free to experience life to the fullest.
But that might still be a bit confusing.
So let’s use the “going for a walk example” a bit more. Let’s say while on this walk, I have these three thoughts:
“Did I say the right thing in my conversation yesterday?”
“That tree has very green leaves.”
“I really need to get that to-do list done today.”
“Did I say the right thing in my conversation yesterday?” is a present thought, but it’s about the past and you are not paying attention to what is around you. Same for the thought “I really need to get that to-do list done today.” That’s worrying about the future while walking and missing the present moment. The thought “That tree has very green leaves” is a great example of a present moment thought, in the present moment.
Free From Judgment and Accepting of One’s Feelings
Let me introduce you to your inner critic. Or as I like to call mine, “The Judge”. This inner voice is your negativity bias - it is holding you back from living your best life and it is ruthless. It probably sounds something like, “I’m not good enough, pretty enough, successful enough, smart enough, or talented enough.”
You’d think as intelligent human beings we wouldn’t create stories in our own minds, on purpose, to feel bad about ourselves. What good could that do? But, we all do it.
Think of the inner critic as the quality of consciousness that’s constantly scanning for danger. It’s basically designed to keep us alive, and we teach it how to be on the lookout for what could go wrong pretty quickly. Ever touch a hot stove? Pretty painful, right? The critic reminds us not to touch that hot stove again once you’ve done it once.
We also learn what is dangerous or painful from our culture and our parents. We take in this information through behaviors and thoughts. Here’s an example - imagine little Johnny comes home from school and is so excited to tell his dad that he got a B on his social studies exam. He runs up to share the good news and hears from his father, “why didn’t you get an A?” Johnny immediately feels disappointment and shame for letting down his father - a painful experience. So, to make sure that never happens again, Johnny’s inner critic learns that only A’s are acceptable and to try harder next time.
So, when we experience thoughts, feelings and emotions, we usually seem them through this created lens of fear, anxiety and self-preservation. “What haven’t I gotten over this by now, what’s wrong with me?” or “I should be more positive!” are just a couple examples of how you could judge your thoughts as you try to keep your awareness in the present moment.
But the one thing you have to remember is that the job of your mind is to think. Just like your stomach’s job is to digest and your heart’s job is to pump blood through your body, your brain’s job is to think. But your job is to remember that these are just thoughts!
Self-Observation Without Judgment
Although I didn't know it at the time, during my yoga teacher training I learned the definition of mindfulness, but we called it something else.
We called it, “Self-Observation Without Judgment”.
It’s the ability to notice when you are caught in a thought that isn’t serving you, bring your awareness or focus back to the present moment, and do it without beating yourself up.
And in that lies all the power you need to start changing your relationship with your anxiety.
When your monkey mind is full of anxious thoughts that are swirling around making you feel terrible, you can recognize when you are caught in a thought, pause for a moment, recognize the thought or feeling without judging yourself for thinking or feeling it, and then bring your awareness back to whatever it is that you are doing at the moment. And in that little moment you will feel a bit more freedom and ease.
It would be amazing if we could access mindfulness 100% of the time. But our brains don't work that way, unfortunately. So, we have to take what we can get in those tiny moments of noticing when we are caught in a thought and bring our awareness back to the present moment. Those are the moments we wake up to reality! Those are the moments we are truly mindful.