5 Ways To Help Someone With Anxiety
Being caught in an anxious moment can be extremely debilitating. Anxiety presents itself in so many ways from butterflies in your stomach to a full-on panic attack. And while it’s normal to experience anxiety from time to time, I’m talking about the feelings you have due to an anxiety disorder.
For me, when I’m feeling my most anxious, I tend to reach out for help. Even if it’s just a quick text to my bestie saying, “Wow, my anxiety is high today” can be helpful. But sometimes, it’s hard for me to share exactly how I’m feeling and I find myself in situations with people that aren’t necessarily helpful. My favorite non-helpful response is, “Oh, just don’t worry about that.” Sure - if it was that easy, I would already be doing that.
If you have loved ones that never know what to say or do when you are feeling anxious, then be sure to send this blog to them! And if you are someone that wants to be more helpful, but doesn’t know how, then definitely read on because today I’m sharing five ways you can be more effective at supporting someone with anxiety so that you can help them live a more confident and happier life.
1. Learn the Signs of Anxiety
Anxiety is a normal and healthy response to some of life’s stresses … until it isn’t. How and when anxiety becomes excessive and overwhelming really depends on a variety of factors, so how it shows up will vary greatly based on the individual. However, below is a list of the most common symptoms that people with anxiety experience:
Constantly feeling worried or on-edge
Elevated heart rate
Repetitive feelings of fear or panic
Breathing rapidly or hyperventilation
Dizziness
Nausea
Racing or unclear thoughts
Trouble concentrating
Feeling restless and jittery
Feeling weak or tired / trouble sleeping
Trembling
Clammy palms
Being easily startled
Headaches
Sweating
Once you start to recognize symptoms in your loved ones, you can ask things like “Are you ok” or say things like “I notice you seem anxious…”. Validating that you recognize what they are going through can go a long way.
2. Listen Openly and Ask Questions
Sometimes just listening can make all the difference in the world. Not everything needs to be solved or fixed and don’t assume that’s what the person needs. Saying “I’ve noticed you seem anxious and I want to help” assures them that they don’t need to hold the burden of their anxiety alone anymore.
Always ask them what they need because not everyone will need the same support. If they need to just vent, allow them to do that. If they need advice, provide your thoughts and suggestions. If they need to break down their anxiety into actionable steps, help them make a roadmap.
As they continue to share how they are feeling, remember the goal is to offer support and compassion. Here are a few examples of questions you can ask:
When did you begin to feel this anxiety?
Was there a specific person or event that triggered it?
How can I support you today?
What do you need from me right now?
Is there anything that’s stressing you out that I could help you say no to?
Then, simply listen. Validate what they share by saying things like “Yeah, that sucks”. And the phrase, “thank you for sharing with me”, lets them know that you realize they are being vulnerable and trusting you.
Remember that their anxiety doesn’t have to make sense to you. It’s important to recognize that what that person is experiencing is real to them and requires you to be sensitive to the situation.
Other supportive phrases you can say include:
I’m always here if you need to talk
Your fears/worries/struggles are not silly
Let’s work through this together
Take your time
I know it’s been tough, but this feeling won’t last forever
That must be so difficult
I love you no matter what (My bestie says this to me all the time and it means the world to me.)
3. Don’t Stigmatize The Situation
Unfortunately in our society there is still a stigma around mental health. If you have anxiety or other mental health disorders, you may be judged or called “crazy” because of the negative attitudes and beliefs people have toward mental illness. Although more people are accepting of mental health issues, the stigma associated with it continues to be a problem.
That’s why it’s important not to give bad advice when trying to help our loved ones. Here are a few examples of how not to stigmatize the situation:
Just snap out of it.
Anxiety is just stress. We all worry. Get over it.
Just chill out.
Did you take your meds today?
Just take a deep breath or try some yoga (seems counterintuitive for ME to say this one, but if someone hasn’t tried these techniques, just saying they should may not be helpful.)
Anxiety is just the way you are!
There is something wrong with you.
Anxiety only affects lazy, weak or undisciplined people.
The truth is, one in five people nationwide (47.1 million) are living with chronic anxiety but only 36.9% of those suffering actually get help. In order to support your loved one, be sure to educate yourself on what causes anxiety and effective ways to better manage it so that you don’t accidentally make the situation worse.
4. Know What NOT to Do
Knowing what not to do can be almost as helpful, if not more, than knowing what to do. Here are a few key things to remember:
Don’t Enable
It’s very common when you see a loved one in pain to want to take that pain away immediately, which usually means avoiding whatever situation is causing their anxiety. Although your intentions are in the right place, the longer a difficult situation goes ignored, the bigger it can become. Avoiding something that is difficult doesn’t give your loved one the opportunity to learn and overcome the challenges in their life. Instead, it limits them as they become less and less able to do things because of their fears and anxiety.
Don’t Force or Push
While you don’t want to enable them, you also don’t want to force them to do something that gives them more anxiety. Give them space to work through their anxiety and remember that any change won’t happen overnight.
Don’t make it all about you
If you can relate to their situation, try not to make it all about you. Of course you want to share that you’ve experienced similar feelings or emotions. But don’t turn the conversation so that it’s your story and share vs. whatever they need. Remember to hold space for them to process and provide validation and support based on your own experience as needed.
5. Encourage Your Loved One To Seek Professional Help
If things start to feel “above your paygrade” (as they say), be sure to suggest that your loved one seek professional advice. Anxiety can be rooted in years of trauma or beliefs that impact how your loved one processes situations today and you may not be equipped to help them the way they need.
However, asking for help may be hard for them. So reassure them that they are worth the time and effort to seek help and that you are proud of them for facing their biggest life challenges. Cheer them on! Simply having your “approval” could make all the difference.
I know that loving someone who struggles with anxiety is hard to watch. You want them to feel better and not hurt anymore and I commend you for wanting to help and support them as much as you can. You can’t change their thoughts or how they feel about situations, but you can control the way you support and love them through this difficult time. I hope these five tips give you just a little insight on how to do that most effectively.